Studio Ostendo operates in multiple creative fields including photography, design, and education.
As Mark and I sat across from the pastor who planned to marry us, he asked, “Will you be writing your own vows?” We answered at the exact same time… but our answers were completely different! I loudly declared, “OF COURSE!” while Mark laughed and said, “Absolutely not!” Clearly we were not on the same page. I love to write and believed that writing our own vows would be the most romantic and sentimental part of our wedding day. Mark, however, despises writing and feared his vows would be inadequate stacked next to mine and begged me to do traditional pre-written vows instead.
It took weeks of coaxing… but I eventually convinced him to write our vows and we are both SO GLAD we did. So if you and your spouse decide to write your own vows… here are my top five recommendations!
Sit down with your spouse-to-be and talk about your expectations for your wedding vows. Do you want them to be funny or serious? Traditional or modern? Short or long? Do you want to share memories? These are the kind of questions you want to ask each other to make sure you’re on the same page. Even though your vows will be unique and different, you want them to be cohesive. This is your time to brainstorm together before you start writing!
The hardest part of writing your vows can be knowing where to start. I recommend making a list of all the promises you want to make to your spouse. Write them all down… just because you put them on paper doesn’t mean you have to include them in your vows. Once you have all of them written down, go back over it and mark which ones are most important to you and cross off any you don’t want to include. You’ll quickly find your “promise list” has turned into the outline for your vows!
Here are some of the promises I included on my own list:
Once you and your spouse have both written your vows, send them to someone you trust to review them and make edits/comments. For us, this person was our pastor but you could also send them to your maid of honor or a family member. After reading both of our vows, he called Mark to tell him that he needed to add 3-4 sentences to his in order to make them comparable in length to mine. He called me to tell me that one of the promises I had made didn’t make sense when read because it was part of an inside joke and recommended I change the wording so our friends/family would understand. Whoever you choose, make sure it is someone you feel comfortable receiving feedback from. This step will help ensure that your vows are unified while allowing you to keep them a secret (if you chose to!).
Public speaking isn’t for everyone and speaking in front of hundreds of people on your wedding day can be seriously nerve wracking! Most people talk MUCH faster when they are nervous too, so make sure you are as prepared as possible. Practice saying your vows before your wedding day! Practice out loud in a mirror or practice saying them to friend… however you chose to do it, just make sure you practice so the words flow as naturally as possible.
Once you know exactly what you want to say, type up a clean copy. This is the final draft you will give to your pastor, best man, or maid of honor to hold on to until it’s time to say your vows. Memorizing them can be tricky because there is already SO MUCH to remember on your wedding day. Typing them or writing them in a special vow book will not only be helpful, but can be a sweet keepsake to cherish for years to come.
So whether you decide to stick with traditional vows, or write your own, we are firm believers that the commitment you are making to your spouse is what matters most. The words you choose are not nearly as important as the fact that you are making a lifelong covenant to love, cherish, and honor your best friend until the very end.
